Cuz I'm Shepard
by Cally Starkiller
Summary: A series of song-fic oneshots. First one is 'whatcha say'. second one is 'Commander.' third one is 'In My Head.' fourth one is 'All The Right Moves'. Suggestions appreciated. Contains previous Kaidan/femshep relationship. Contains Garrus/Femshep.
1. Whatcha Say

**A/N: A song-fic one-shot. Just something to write. Inspiration struck me when I was listening to the song. So I suggest listening to it while reading. It's a parody, so that's why it's a little strange toward the end. Haha. For either Shenko haters, neutrals, or Shenko lovers. Doesn't matter. Don't worry! I'm still working on my other stories. It's just that I had to write this out no matter what. **

**Bold-Shepard's Lyrics**

_Itlaics-Kaidan's Lyrics_

* * *

"He did WHAT with a doctor!" Shepard growled as she read the message from Kaidan. A pang of jealousy stung her. Ever since Horizon happened, she felt more vulnerable to her emotions than usual.

Kelly stared after her as she ran into the elevator and slammed the button. The elevator slowly crawled to the top floor and she dashed inside her cabin, turning up her music.

She paced back and forth, reading the rest of the message on her omni-tool. "Fine…be happy with your doctor. I don't care anymore."

Shepard stops pacing, looks at her fish, and ignores their pleading faces for food. She felt like taking out her unnatural anger so she did on her fish. "No food for you…" She grumbled.

"EDI. Set a course for the Citadel." She spat at the blue hologram.

"Course set. Logging you out Shepard." The hologram disappeared but she was still pretty sure that EDI could hear her. She huffed angrily and decided to cool down in the shower.

The ice cold water flowed down her pale body as she thought about what she was doing. "Time to officially say good-bye to him." She declared in the end.

* * *

It had been at least a week since the 'Suicide Mission'. It was time for shore leave anyways. "Shore leave crew. Enjoy it!" She said over the intercom, giving a nod to Joker as she left the ship.

"I understand Commander." Joker called after her, freezing Shepard in her tracks.

"How do you-"

"I read the message. And what happened on Horizon was totally uncool. I'm with you Shepard. Not him."

"Right." She said back, surprised at Joker. 'Thought they were the best of friends.'

* * *

Kaidan walked around the Citadel with the doctor, Sherry Ashton. His friends convinced him to take her out for drinks after nearly a year and half since Shepard's death. He knew he was still pining for her, but it had to end. So he did go out.

Her name vaguely reminded him of both Shepard and Ashley's name. Sherry…Shepard. Ashton…Ashley. Mentally face palming himself, Kaidan pushed the thoughts away.

'Shepard hasn't replied back to my message.' He thought worriedly. He hadn't heard anything about the Normandy making it though the Omega Relay. Anderson didn't receive any 'We Made It' messages either.

* * *

Shepard walked briskly through the Zakera Ward, Carnifex pistol at her side. She decided that going out on shore leave in full N7 armor was a little too much. Plus it would freak Kaidan out, thinking she was going to kill him or something.

But that didn't stop her from wearing N7 related clothing. She wore black N7 sweats and a white tee. Comfortable, yet almost threatening.

A thought struck her. She had no idea where he lived. But she kept on wandering through the ward, glancing around for any sign of a doctor that would look like she would appeal to Kaidan's interests, or for Kaidan himself.

Shepard stopped cold. There in front of her was Kaidan and his doctor lady. She looked pretty enough. Hell she looked almost like herself. Shepard had shoulder-length black hair, dark blue eyes, eye-catching scars, pale skin, and a fiery personality. The doctor had long dark brown hair, dull blue eyes, no scars, fair skin, and she had no idea about her personality.

* * *

Kaidan stopped cold. There in front of him was former Commander Shepard. 'Maybe I can work things out.' Kaidan thought hurriedly, jogging up to Shepard. Sherry Ashton followed suit, staring at Shepard.

"Oh my gosh! Are you Commander Shepard?" The woman sang out, delight coloring her actions. "Kaidan told me all about you."

"He did?" Shepard raised an eyebrow at him, before turning her attention back to the doctor.

"Of course! Says he served on the Normandy with you. He told me that you were the best commanding officer he had in a long time."

"Never knew that." She said simply, breaking eye contact and glancing in Kaidan's general direction.

"Shepard." Said woman stared at him, loatheness clear as day as she switched her attention to him. "This is Sherry Ashton, the doctor I told you about. Sherry, this is Shepard as you already know."

Kaidan took in a deep breath and used his omni-tool to hack into the Citadel news outlets. A catchy tune played as Shepard stepped forward, happily glaring at the man in front of her, the man who dumped her for a doctor, the man who yelled at her on Horizon, the man who broke her heart...no more.

* * *

**"Wha- wha- what did she say**

**Mmmm whatcha say,**

**Mmm that you only meant well?**

**Well of course you did**

**Mmmm whatcha say,**

**Mmmm that it's all for the best?**

**Of course it is."**

Shepard sang out, a smile on the whole time.

Kaidan sang out, a grim look on.

_"I was so wrong for so long_

_only tryng to please myself_

_Girl, I was caught up in her lust_

_When I don't really want no one else_

_So, no I know I should of treated you better_

_But me and you were meant to last forever."_

Kaidan continued, sadness and regret fueling his singing.

_"So let me in (let me in) give me another chance (another chance)_

_To really be your man_

_Cause when the roof cave in and the truth came out_

_I just didn't know what to do_

_But when I become a star we'll be living so large_

_I'll do anything for you_

_So tell me girl."_

Shepard's smile turned into a snarl, her hurtful glare staring straight at him.

**"Mmmm whatcha say,**

**Mmm that you only meant well?**

**Well of course you did**

**Mmmm whatcha say, (whatcha say)**

**Mmmm that it's all for the best?**

**Of course it is**

**Mmmm whatcha say,**

**Mmm that you only meant well?**

**Well of course you did**

**Mmmm whatcha say, (whatcha say)**

**wha-wha-wha- did she say."**

Shepard angrily sang, jabbing her finger into his chest.

_"How, could I live with myself_

_Knowing that I let our love go (love go)_

_And ooh, when I do with one chance_

_I just gotta let you know_

_I know what I did wasn't clever_

_But me and you we're meant to be together."_

Shepard scoffed, but Kaidan kept on singing nonetheless.

_"So let me in (let me in) give me another chance (another chance)_

_To really be your man_

_Cause when the roof cave in and the truth came out_

_I just didn't know what to do_

_But when I become a star we'll be living so large_

_I'll do anything for you_

_So tell me girl."_

And Shepard told him.

**"Mmmm whatcha say,**

**Mmm that you only meant well?**

**Well of course you did**

**Mmmm whatcha say, (whatcha say, whatcha say)**

**Mmmm that it's all for the best?**

**Of course it is**

**Mmmm whatcha say,**

**Mmm that you only meant well?**

**Well of course you did**

**Mmmm whatcha say, (whatcha say, whatcha say)**

**Wha- wha- wha- wha- what did she say."**

Kaidan's gestures become animated, moving closer to Shepard with each step, pleading furiously.

_"Girl, tell me whatcha said (said)_

_I don't want you to leave me_

_Though you caught me cheatin'_

_Tell me, tell me whatcha said (said)_

_I really need you in my life_

_Cuz things ain't right, girl_

_Tell me, tell me whatcha said (said)_

_I don't want you to leave me_

_Though you caught me cheatin'_

_Tell me, tell me whatcha said (said)_

_I really need you in my life_

_Cuz things ain't right."_

_Kaidan kept on singing, passion strengthening his voice._

_"Cause when the roof cave in and the truth came out_

_I just didn't know what to do_

_But when I become a star we'll be living so large_

_I'll do anything for you_

_So baby whatcha say!"_

Shepard sighed, shaking her head sadly.

**"Mmmm whatcha say,**

**Mmm that you only meant well?**

**Well of course you did**

**Mmmm whatcha say, (whatcha say, whatcha say)**

**Mmmm that it's all for the best?**

**Of course it is**

**Mmmm whatcha say,**

**Mmm that you only meant well?**

**Well of course you did**

**Mmmm whatcha say, (whatcha say, whatcha say)**

**Wha- wha- wha- wha- what did she say."**

Shepard turns around, tears filling up her big blue eyes. "Good-bye Kaidan Alenko."

Kaidan sighs, shame rising in his heart. "I'm sorry Shepard."

"I know." Shepard walks away. Kaidan walks away.


	2. Commander

**A/N: Song is 'Commander' by Kelly Rowland feat. David Guetta. Thanks goes to BumbleBeePixie for suggesting the song. Alrighty here we go! Also, I suggest listening to the song at the appropriate time. I'm serious! Enjoy!**

* * *

Today they were stopping at the Citadel for shore leave. And Shepard had nothing to wear. She dug around in her closet for anything decent. In a fit, Shepard flew behind her the various Cerberus outfits that was previously provided for her.

"Oh fuck it all!" She exclaimed as she threw the last outfit behind her. There was the Cerberus dress that was strangely similar to Chakwas' so that was scratched immediately.

Another one was light brown civvie looking settler clothes and it did NOT match her looks. "Ugh." She grumbled as she kicked it aside. She glanced at the other one which looked like Navigator Pressley's Alliance clothing and threw it back into the closet. "Sorry Pressley."

She allowed herself one last second of reminiscing and picked up the one that every other Cerberus person on this ship wore. "Too familiar, too simple."

There were only two other non-Cerberus affiliated outfits and one was Kasumi Goto's skanky tight black dress and heels. Shepard scowled as she slipped into it, examining herself in the mirror. There was a rip in the front which showed off her more feminine side. "So much for that."

She ripped it off and stood there clad in Cerberus bra and underwear as she spotted the perfect outfit to wear.

* * *

"Hey Garrus! Have you seen the Commander yet?" Joker limped over to Garrus' position near the bar. The shore leave party was at the Citadel Dark Star and practically the whole ship crowded out as soon as the ship landed.

"Not yet." Garrus murmured to the pilot. He was getting nervous. 'What if she was having trouble? Or if-'

His thoughts were interrupted by a rather loud wolf whistle. Garrus twirled around to see Joker staring wide-eyed at a pale human civilian who bared a familiar resemblance to Shepard.

The music seemed to have gone quieter, the drink-pouring was stopped, and the conversation were hushed as everybody on the Normandy crew took a look at Commander Cally Shepard.

"Shepard?" Garrus stared at the human in front of him. 'That can't be Shepard.'

This woman was wearing skin-tight black jeans, ragged faded black skirt, shin length shiny black combat boots, stomach showing blue and black striped long-sleeved shirt with black suspenders. Her long blue-black hair was swung up into a side ponytail with a smile accompanying it. "Hey Garrus."

"Shepard…you-I…you look-uh nice." Garrus stuttered over his words, catching a raised eyebrow look from Joker.

"Smooth buddy." Joker jabbed his elbow into his side. Garrus ignored him as Shepard strolled right on to them.

"Apparently Cerberus was "generous" enough to find the exact same clothes I wore down on Earth when I ran with gangs." Shepard grumbled bitterly, wringing her hands nervously. "But anyways…"

Jacob strutted up to them with Miranda following him like a lost puppy. "What's up Commander? Miranda mentioned to me about giving you extra clothing so here they are…"

Miranda glared up at him to no avail but spoke for herself. "Yes well, do you enjoy them Commander?" She rose a critical eyebrow at her, expecting to be thanked for her 'good' deed.

"Yes very much Miranda. I've always wanted to be reminded of my childhood but since you helped me out, I suppose I should repay you. Say, how about a drinks on me? And I'll see if they have your horribly expensive rare alcoholic drink: Louis the Thirteenth cognac." Shepard snapped back, lips curling up into a sneer.

She ordered the drinks on the Cerberus tab, snickering as she paid for the expensive shots and biotic threw it at Miranda's feet. "Charming Commander."

Miranda rolled her eyes at Shepard's childish behavior but proceeded to pick up the unbroken glass shot and gulped it down. Prodding Jacob to follow her back to their seats, Miranda gave one last glare at Shepard.

"How'd you know that was her favorite?" Joker asked Shepard as she settled herself into a rather uncomfortable bar seat.

"I asked her of course." Shepard said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Wanna dance Garrus?"

"Uh I'd rather not. I'm the best at sniping but not at…dancing." His gaze was pointed at the human and asari dancers, waving their arms aimlessly about.

"I'll teach you. I'm the best at dancing but not at sniping. So we make the perfect pair." Shepard winked at him as she slid out her seat and guided a confused turian toward the dance floor, while Joker gathered the crew around to watch.

* * *

"Why is Shepard dancing with the turian?" A surprised Cerberus crew member cried out, catching the attention of the turian bartender.

"A human doing what with a turian?" The bartender was hushed loudly and the whole place stared at the strange couple on the dance floor.

* * *

Garrus was afraid he'd make a fool out of himself in front of Shepard. Ever since Shepard suggested that unexpected idea he was frantically researching how humans interacted with others and looked up their culture.

Apparently singing had basically died many years ago since they turned to lyric less music. And he had actually heard Shepard hum and sing softly to herself more than once. So naturally he was curious.

Shepard grinned at him and he managed a weak smile back. She chuckled quietly and left him standing there in the middle of the dance floor, staring off into space.

"Play this song for us will ya?" Shepard asked the turian bartender who stumbled over his feet as he switched on his omni-tool to activate the music system in the club.

"Play it on my cue got it?" Shepard asked, arms across chest.

"Yes ma'am." The turian blurted out, talon barely touching the play button.

Shepard skipped over to Garrus and snapped her fingers as a signal to start. She winked up at him and began stomping her feet to the beat of the strange music. Garrus gaped at her flexible moves, surprised at how humans can move. He eventually found himself dancing alongside her as Shepard began to sing.

* * *

**"I feel like the DJ is my bodyguard**

**You see the way he keeps me safe**

**With the treble and that bass**

**I feel free enough to party hard**

**This dress won't go to waste**

**Feels like I own the place**

**V.I.P to to be the boss"**

Shepard jumped up and down, swinging her long ponytail around as the crowd moved closer.

**"You see the way these people stare**

**Watching how I fling my hair**

**I'm a dancefloor lover**

**Baby there's no other**

**Who do it like I do it yeah"**

Shepard kept on staring at Garrus, eyes never leaving his eyes. She smiled happily as she continued singing.

**"From here on out**

**I'll be your commander**

**No fear no doubt**

**I'll provide the answer**

**Right now I command you to dance**

**I'll be your commander**

**Right now I command you to dance**

**I'll be your commander**

**Right now I command you to…"**

In the background, the massed group of people kept on chanting the word, 'Commander' but Garrus tuned them out as he listened to Shepard's every word.

**"I- I'll be your commander**

**I'll provide the answer"**

Garrus couldn't help but think that was those lines were all too true.

**"Ain't no reason to celebrate**

**But you know we gon' hav a ball**

**Champagne spillin' from the wall**

**And I'll be partying til hella late**

**But I ain't worried not at all"**

Shepard twisted left and right to the pounding beat of the music, raising her hand out as if to tell someone to provide her with a drink. A stunned bystander gave up his drink as he shakily handed her his blue alcoholic shot.

**"I just give my driver a call yeah**

**(Tell him) Pick me up at 8am**

**No we ain't stopping right here**

**We'll take the party to the crib**

**Let's go all night baby**

**You won't find no lady**

**Who does it like I does it yeah"**

"Woo Shepard! You tell them girl!" Someone rang out from the crowd.

**"From here on out**

**I'll be your commander**

**No fear no doubt**

**I'll provide the answer**

**Right now I command you to dance**

**I'll be your commander**

**Right now I command you to dance**

**I'll be your commander**

**Right now I command you to…"**

And everybody complied with her command. The crowd moved in slowly, making sure circle themselves around the turian and human. Garrus watched the mass of people dance around them, as Shepard's giggle caught his attention.

**"It's jam packed**

**So DJ where you at?**

**I know you got my back**

**So make that bass attack**

**Let's make these people move**

**You know I need some room, to**

**Do what I do, I'm bout to act a fool**

**Turn the lights on"**

The circle widened up, giving the couple more room to dance. Garrus' mandibles flared as Shepard danced even closer to his side, her constant grin never failing as she sang out.

**"From here on out**

**I'll be your commander**

**No fear no doubt**

**I'll provide the answer**

**Right now I command you to dance**

**I'll be your commander**

**Right now I command you to dance**

**I'll be your commander**

**Right now I command you to…"**

The music slowed and so did the group's dancing. Shepard pointed straight at him, causing Garrus to bristle a bit. She gave it her all as she sang the last two lines.

**"I- I'll be your commander**

**I'll provide the answer"**

The Dark Star club broke out in cheers and laughter as Shepard hugged Garrus tightly. "Nice dancing Garrus!" This was accompanied by a loud shocked gasp by the turians attending the club. But nobody jeered at them for doing so.

"Impressive dancing Commander."

"You too Archangel."


	3. In My Head

**A/N: This just occured to me when I listened to the song. I listen to a various amount of music so any kind of song suggestion is good. And when I heard it for the second time, I imagined a certain someone singing it. You'll see. **

**Song is In My Head by Jason Derulo. **

**I own nothing.**

**I suggest listening to the song at the appropiate time.**

**Enjoy!**

**Bold-lyrics**

* * *

"EDI. Find me a store on the Citadel that sells vintage clothes." Shepard orders the blue orb which blinks in response.

"I find only one. It is down on the lower Zakera Wards area." EDI winks out of existence as Shepard waits patiently until the Normandy touches back down at the Citadel.

"Its fun to party." Shepard murmurs to herself, putting on her clean Cerberus uniform with a simple pistol at her side.

"Ten minutes till we hit the Citadel for shore leave Commander." Joker said over the intercom.

"Thanks Joker." Shepard replies back, staring at the ceiling.

"Commander…you've really got to stop doing that." Shepard sheepishly rubs the back of her neck and walks out of her cabin.

Her foot taps patiently as the elevator makes its slow crawl down. "EDI can you change the elevator music to something less…annoying?"

"Yes…ah. Is this sufficient enough Shepard?" EDI asks with an almost earnest ring with it. Calming piano music plays, catching Shepard off guard.

"Uh…yeah. Hmm…this actually sounds good." Shepard smiles contently as the elevator slows down to a stop. She steps out with that smile still on, causing Kelly to take a second look at her.

"Commander…Shepard?" Kelly says hesitantly. 'She looks rather calm. Have to add to the psych report.'

"What's up Kelly?" Shepard says in a nonchalant tone.

"Everything good here Shepard." Kelly nods toward her, smiling slipping through.

"Enjoy yourself on shore leave." Shepard leaves for the cockpit. "Hey Joker."

"Hey Commander. Ready to party down tonight?" Joker wags his arms around, mimicking god-awful dancers.

"You betcha. Darkstar. You. Me. Dance." Shepard said sincerely, grin popping through.

"Bet you can't beat my dancing moves." Joker jabs his elbow at her, Shepard falling down dramatically.

"Careful." Shepard chuckles. "My dancing might…" She trails off, then clear her throat excessively. "This hurts you!" Shepard yells out in her best Harbinger voice.

"Nice!" Joker fist bumps her, grinning. "I assume you've been practicing?"

"Who wouldn't?" Shepard pats the back of his head and strolls out to the air lock.

The Normandy settles in and when they docked, a mass wave of people rushed toward her. "Hey! Watch it buddy!"

"Oh shut up Hadley!" Matthews yells back. Hadley shoves him aside and races him to the airlock.

"I see how it is! You just want to hurry up and get to your precious asari consort." Hadley says as Matthews gets to the airlock first, not seeing Shepard.

"Hey! You and I already discussed that. It's not like that. She's…she's…"

"A whore!" Says a random voice from the back of the stampeding crowd.

"Alright! Who said that?" Matthews growls back. Hadley breaks out into laughter, falling over his two feet and unto the oblivious Commander Shepard.

"Commander!" Hadley's eyes grow big as he realizes that he's laying on top the Survivor of Akuze, first human Spectre, Hero of the Citadel, and his commanding officer. "Comm-Shepard! I uh…you see here. I was-"

Shepard smirks at his pale face and eases herself off the ground, Hadley falling on the ground with a scared expression. "Well at least its good to know that the crew loves me." Shepard says with a hidden wink at Hadley.

"Oh and the consort is a whore for lack of a better word. She tried to get herself on me for god's sake!" Shepard shakes her head, pushing the image of the consort out of her mind.

"Glad you agree." Hadley brings himself beside her, arms fidgety.

Shepard nods back and walks away out the airlock onto the Citadel. "So how did it feel when you and Shep-ow!" Hawthorne gets a holopad thrown at him.

* * *

Shepard sees the store right in front of her. "Vintage Human Life."

She strolls in, seeing several humans a couple of asari browsing the store. She grabs random clothes off the racks, not wanting to waste any time here. In the changing room, she tries on the first shirt which is bright pink and has a picture of some sort of blue bear with a strange looking symbol on him.

"Nope." She throws the shirt down in the corner of the small room and slips on a Minnesota Vikings jersey. "Too baggy." The next one is a t-shirt of Halo: Reach, an old video game. "Whatever. I'll just get it. Gosh I hate shopping for clothes."

She puts away the other shirts and an asari yells out to her, "Those black leather pants beside you are for free. They'd go great with that shirt!"

Shepard grabs the pants and black combat boots that go with it. "Perfect." She makes the purchase and heads out into a nearby bathroom. As she's walking into the bathroom, a turian stalks out and slams right into her.

"Watch it human." The turian gawks at her angrily and strides off in a huff.

"You turians are all racist!" Shepard gasps and clamps her hand over her mouth when she realizes what she just said. The turian turns around slowly and eyes her carefully.

"You humans are all racist!" The turian yells back, talon pointing straight at her. "Don't make me pull out my fifteen centimeter serrated blade!"

"So you'd bring a knife to a gun fight?" Shepard questions. "Say…are you going on the public transit shuttle?"

The turian appears surprised at the question. "No! The next shuttle is in ten minutes. I can't wait that long!"

"Me either." Shepard huffs. The turian continued standing there, contemplating on what to say next. "Did you have to take out your biotic amp too?"

"I'm not a biotic." The turian said, arms crossed angrily.

"Yeah…me neither." Shepard lied, wanting to get out of this conversation as quickly as possible.

"You humans are all racist!" The turian repeated and strode off, getting the last word.

"So are you!" She yells out to him to no avail.

* * *

Shepard downed a shot and smiled happily when she saw Joker limping toward her. "Never thought you'd get here! You and the damned Normandy…"

"Only bad thing about her is that 'thing' on board it." Joker shook his head.

"You and EDI are STILL fighting?" Shepard asked incredulously.

"She told me that wearing my cap is considered inappropriate head wear! So I told her that she might as well have told Garrus to take off his fringe!"

"So…that cap is like fringe to you? A body part?" Shepard said, gulping down the incoming laughter.

"Well…when you put it that way." Joker sighs and grabs Shepard's other shot glass from behind her. "Still wanna dance?" Joker asks, hope gleaming in his eyes.

"You got it flyboy." Shepard grins and grabs his hand as the two head out to the dance floor.

"God that term is old." Joker complains on his newly earned nickname.

"It is not! And besides everybody gets a nickname from me." Shepard finds the perfect spot for crazy competition dancing.

"Then what's his?" Joker points at the turian bartender.

"Uh…Mr. Turian?" Shepard shrugs and begins shuffling her feet a bit to the slow beat.

"Uh huh." Joker says, disbelieving her quick naming skills. "His? Joker asked quickly, pointing at another turian.

"Sir Racist." Shepard said darkly with scowl. "I ran into him earlier when I was going to the bathroom. And he shoved me-"

As Shepard was going into fully prepared rant about turian racists, Jacob was talking intensely with 'Mr. Turian.'

"This could be my only chance." Said Jacob desperately.

"Go ahead human." The turian relented to the human's request. "I swear every human male…"

Jacob ignored him as he turns on his omni-tool and enters the code for the hacking process. The song plays overhead as Operative Jacob Taylor saunters over to Commander Cally Shepard.

* * *

**Everybody's looking for love. **

**Oh. 't that the reason you're at this club. **

**Oh. ain't gonna find it dancing with him. **

**No. a better solution for you girl. Oh.**

Jacob points at Joker when singing, bringing himself closer To Shepard with each bad dancing move.

**Just leave with me now. **

**Say the word and we'll go.**

**I'll be your teacher, **

**I'll show you the ropes **

**You'll see a side of love you'd never know.**

**I can see it going down, going down.**

Jacob swings his body around, arms pumping to the beat. Shepard stared at him, mouth agape.

**In my head, I see you all over me**

** In my head, you fulfill my fantasy **

**In my head, You'll be screaming ohhhh**

**In my head, it's going down **

**In my head, it's going down **

**My head, Yeah, In my head, Oh yeah.**

Shepard was pretty sure she was blushing. She crossed her arms, allowing Jacob to continue making a fool out of himself.

**Some dudes know all the right things to say.**

Jacob pointed at Thane who was sitting quietly in the corner of the club. Thane noticed this. He shifted uncomfortably, clearing his throat. 'Oh.'

**When it comes down to it, **

**it's all just game**

**Instead of talking let me demonstrate. **

**Get down to business and skip foreplay. Yeah.**

Shepard's blue eyes widened. 'Did he just seriously sing that?'

**Just leave with me now. **

**Say the word and we'll go.**

**I'll be your teacher. **

**I'll show you the ropes**

**You'll see a side of love you'd never know.**

**I can see it going down, going down.**

Joker stood there numbly, glancing at Shepard every few seconds.

**In my head, I see you all over me**

**In my head, you fulfill my fantasy**

**You'll be screaming ohhhh**

**In my head, it's going down**

**My head, it's going down **

**In my head.**

Garrus walked in the club, reading the holopad containing the calibration process. His head bobbed up to the sound of booing and cheering from the dance floor area. "Oh. My. Spirits."

**Break it down. Ay-oh-oh **

**Come on. Ay-oh ooh **

**You singing to me baby in my head right now. Ay-oh. Ay-oh ooh. **

**She'll be screaming out when it all goes down.**

Shepard glared at Jacob as he sang those words. Jacob was resistant to glares apparently.

**Just leave with me now. **

**Say the word and we'll go. **

**We can go.**

**I'll be your teacher. **

**I'll show you the ropes. **

**You'll see a side of love you've never known.**

**I can see it going down, going down.**

Jacob swayed dangerously close to Shepard's side. Garrus' mandibles flared threateningly.

**In my head, I see you all over me**

**In my head, you fulfill my fantasy **

**My head you'll be screaming ohh**

**In my head, it's going down **

**In my head, it's going down**

Shepard clenched her fists.

**In my head, I see you all over me **

**In my head, you fulfill my fantasy**

**In my head you'll be screaming ohhhh**

**In my head, it's going my down **

**In my head, it's going my down.**

And all Jacob got for his singing efforts was a punch to the face. "And that's why its stays in your head."


	4. All The Right Moves

**A/N: This chapter connects with the last one.**

**Song is All The Right Moves by OneRepublic**

**I suggest listening to it at the appropriate time.**

**I own nothing!**

**Enjoy!**

**Bold-Singing**

_Italics-thoughts_

* * *

Joker unsteadily steps over the now unconscious Jacob and grins nervously at Shepard who was still clenching her fists. "So…do you still want to dance or…?"

Shepard turns around and breathes in, fists unclenching. "Of course Joker. Just don't break your legs."

She smiles at him and sways her body to the regular Dark Star music. Joker stares at her a bit then shakes his head. "Damn she can dance." he mutters to himself.

Joker moves his legs around a bit, still afraid he'll do a wrong move and he'll be done for. "Joker you can do better than that! I'm sure Cerberus made them legs stronger."

He huffs and starts shifting them around some more, arm pumping to the beat. "That's my Joker!" Shepard squeals out happily and her arms start pumping as well, hips still swaying.

An insanely ridiculous idea comes to Joker as he smirks and limps off the dance floor and toward the turian bartender. "Hey uh…'Mr. Turian'. Mind if you play this song?"

Joker whispers said song to the turian who nods in agreement. "Alright human. Trying to impress that girl over there or something?"

That caught him off guard. Stuttering Joker covers up his reason, "Uh no! Course not. Already too many guys going for her. See that guy over there?" He points at the still unconscious Jacob. "He got knocked out for singing that song to her. So hell no! I'm just doing this to get the crew together for a [translation error]."

The turian blinks. "Uh yeah okay. Whatever you want human." The turian bartender shrugs and turns on his omni-tool. "Whenever you're ready."

"Right. Get me a drink while you're at it will ya?" Joker sees Shepard from the corner of his eye running toward him. "Hurry it up!"

The turian grunts and hands him 'strongest thing they had' out of instinct. Shepard plants her hand on Joker's shoulder. "Did you get an impulsive reaction to grab a drink in the middle of a dance or what?"

Joker grins. "Course not Shepard. Just trying to keep myself hydrated…that's all." He takes a sip of the drink and gags. "What the shit? This stuff is strong!"

Joker glares at the turian bartender before snapping his fingers in signal. His eyes start watering a bit from the sudden surprise of the drink and the music plays, causing Shepard to snort. "What is this 'National Singing Day'?"

"Naw. It's 'National Dancing Day'." Joker starts back up his dance and Shepard gapes at his moves. He's moving more fluidly, arms pumping and legs bending.

"I thought you-" She starts.

"I just like to complain…I'm lazy like that." Joker winces as he bends way to far down but Shepard guides him back up more easily.

Joker clears his throat and remembers the age-old lyrics. Joker sings; Shepard grins impishly and dances alongside him.

**All the right friends in all the wrong places**

**So yeah, we're going down**

**They got all the right moves in all the right faces**

**So yeah, we're going down**

The Normandy crew starts crowding around, all of them staring at Joker the pilot and Shepard the Commander.

**Just paint the picture of a perfect place**

**They got it better than what anyone's told you**

**They'll be the King of Hearts, and you're the Queen of Spades**

Joker swings his arms toward her, and Shepard bows. A giggle emanated from her. _'That sounded strange._' Joker thought as he continued singing, crew danceing too.

**Then we'll fight for you like we were your soldiers**

Joker could've sworn he heard a 'Hurrah!' from the crew.

**I know we've got it good**

**But they got it made**

**And the grass is getting greener each day**

**I know things are looking up**

**But soon they'll take us down,**

**before anybody's knowing our name.**

They all knew that was true. The Reapers will come back, but they'll be ready.

**They got all the right friends in all the right places**

**So yeah, we're going down**

**We've got all the right moves and all the wrong faces**

**So yeah, we're going down**

**They said, everybody knows, everybody knows where we're going**

**Yeah, we're going down**

**They said, everybody knows, everybody knows where we're going**

**Yeah, we're going down**

The squad team and even the crew mates start singing with Joker.

**Do you think I'm special?**

**Do you think I'm nice?**

**Am I bright enough to shine in your spaces?**

**Between the noise you hear**

**And the sound you like**

**Are we just sinking in an ocean of faces**?

Hadley and Matthews chant Shepard's name, their previous argument forgotten.

**It can be possible that rain can fall,**

**Only when it's over our heads**

**The sun is shining everyday, but it's far away**

**Over the world is death.**

Ken yells out, "Yeah Joker!" Gabby laughs and yells out after him, "Go Shepard!"

**They got,**

**They got,**

**All the right friends in all the wrong places**

**So yeah, we're going down**

**They got, all the right moves and all the wrong faces**

**So yeah, we're going down**

Garrus makes his way to the growing crowd of people and sees Shepard dancing beside the singing Joker. _'I will NEVER understand humans.'_

**They said, everybody knows, everybody knows where we're going**

**Yeah, we're going down**

**They said, everybody knows, everybody knows where we're going**

**Yeah, we're going down.**

Legion starts beat boxing in the background, Grunt pounds his fists together, Miranda stares at the unconscious Jacob, and Samara unconsciously taps her foot to the beat.

**It don't matter what you see.**

**I know I could never be**

**Someone that'll look like you**

**It don't matter what you say,**

**I know I could never face someone that could sound like you.**

A somber sounding tone engulfed Joker's singing at that part. Shepard glances at him, but a grin is still present on his face. She brushes it off as nothing.

**All the right friends in all the wrong places**

**So yeah, we're going down**

**They got all the right moves and all the right faces**

**So yeah, we're going down**

**All the right friends in all the wrong places**

**So yeah, we're going down**

**They got all the right moves and all the right faces**

**So yeah, we're going down**

Hawthorne ear-piercingly whistles as the cheering and singing grow louder with each second.

**They said, everybody knows, everybody knows where we're going**

**Yeah, we're going down**

**They said, everybody knows, everybody knows where we're going**

**Yeah, we're going down.**

At this point, Joker felt his ego boost and he daringly raises the 'rock on' finger pose and surprisingly, most of the humans do the same. _'That never gets old'_. Joker thought.

**(All the right moves, hey)**

**Yeah, we're going down**

**(All the right moves, hey)**

**Yeah, we're going down**

Shepard nudges him. "Didn't know you could sing."

He shrugs. "I have hidden talents."

The dancing goes on.

**A/N: The translation error was [hoedown] if you were wondering. Hardly anybody uses the word nowadays so in the future, I'm guessing that the translation thingy wouldnt pick it up because it was a plainly unused human term from way back then...and besides...it has a naughty word in it so putting it together with another word would mess it up is my guess. **


End file.
